Category Archives: Luna Server (NA-E)

Honeyed promises from Virtori Queen

Duchy of Thearyn – We have just received confirmation from multiple anonymous sources that the Church of Thaeryn is but a front for a dastardly organization bent on the subjugation of all Mannkind! I your humble correspondent Dominic Bumgardner have been informed that a nefarious organization made up entirely of the newly released cardinal bees have secretly been whispering to their puppet Duke Varuian Maulvorn enticing him with sweet promises so that he could spread their influence. If these incoming reports are true, we are truly looking at the end of the freedom of all the major kingdoms and leadership being replaced by Varuian Maulvorn and our new Overqueen. May the gods have mercy on our souls.

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This ad is paid for by: Vornscapeing

Escaping the Clippers

Bordweall – As most of us know, due to the tribal oppression Kypiqs have faced at the hands of Helgrim Enterprises fur plantations, and local food agencies. This tribe has an innate fear of kitchenware, especially spatulas. This fear of kitchens or oikophobia, is brought on due to the conditions faced by captured Kypiqs. Who are force fed to increase the amount of processable furs and leather. Having discovered a group which narrowly escaped from a plantation, we followed to record their struggles. Their names were changed to protect their identities. This group was headed to a so-called therapeutic treatment to overcome their stress, which is reported to be a monumental success on their wellbeing. On the journey, Sirloin De Ribsaz spoke, “It was awful, I could barely fit through the doors by the end” as his fellows pulled him along in a makeshift wagon. Another, Asado Barb’oqu, “The cutters [Helgrim Operatives] never cut my hair right, always left dead ends!”

This therapeutic treatment lies within Bordweall in the County of Stoneheart. Countess Genevieve D’rogugan lures refuges by baiting cookies in the streets, and unsuspectedly handing out citizenry papers. Although, these refugees truly only want more cookies and protection from Helgrim Enterprises. However, few people know how this “Dragoness” bakes these delicious cookies.

This intrepid, full-bodied group led us to a small bakery just inside the walls of the County of Stoneheart, named Nips & Chocolate Chips. As the fur coats waddled into the bakery, the owner and baker Van Ibenholt introduced himself, “Welcome, fellow tribesmen. Feel safe, feel free, and we will rise again.”

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This ad is paid for by: Helgrim Enterprises

Forging an Empire: PAX Council

Vornair – It is with pleasure we divulge breaking news from the Kingdom of Vornair for our readers. It happened a week to the day at the beautiful Sportello tavern. The bachelor party of King Adam Rhyne and Duke Morbis Alabast. The two were lovingly surrounded by merriment and drink, alongside the High Council, Dukes and Duchess. Also, attending was King Rhyne’s long time friend, the King of Fortuna. Absent from the event was the Duke of Zylphania and Fehu who begrudgingly accepted the administrative duties of the kingdom. Truly, Duke Bombastus did all of the work, as Duke Cardan slinked away to probe the local brothels.

A spectacular course meal lined the tables, Aesir Barbazu Heimdallr stated that “the potato gnocchi and sorbet were lovely,” at least I think so, the tavern maid halted serving Count Heimdallr soon after. With Duke Bälen present, drinking turned into playful shenanigans as the bear pack came out. While a more dubious corner led by Chief Justicar Anders Kastanjj, who arrived late, lounged, tempting to find spies and werewolves; I don’t think he did too well.

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PAX Council Meeting (image courtesy of the Fortuna Freedom Guild)

After hours the party swiftly ended and the pursuit of an empire had begun. Reportedly, a representative of the Kingdom of Alésia, Count Edwin Salle was also present. However, the representative didn’t have enough influence to enter the forum. With Duke Morbis resting on King Rhyne’s lap, elegantly twirling his beard. Both Kings took out their rosters and maps to focus on consolidating the Kingdom of Fortuna into the Empire of Vornair. This meeting allowed us to discover the true reason for the Kingdom of Fortuna’s negligible efforts in recruitment, because it was never meant to exist alone.

For on this day a wedding did occur, the merging of Fortuna and Vornair and the creation of Elyria’s first empire.

 

You’re Fired!!!

Phyillian Shows Violet Out

His Royal Highness King Phyllain showing Duchess Violet the door.

With stunning efficiency and charisma Violet Winterlynn recruited hundreds of citizens, supporting the rise of the Kingdom of Alésia. However, the campaign for winning the hearts and minds of the Free Kingdom has ended. With his first royal decree King Phyllian has declared via a tweeting pigeon that “Zhin Khovi, Duchess of Rhyddid, will become the new Queen. She will do a great, great job! Thank you Violet Winterlynn for your services. Continuing “Taxes will now increase fivefold in Saorsa to payback previous royal expenditures, and all research during her reign from the dual academies are now royal property.” This surprising decree shocked both citizens and titleholders causing riots and clashes over who had worn the best coronation gown. Even so, some swiftly accepted Queen Zhin, imploring her ability to “take charge” and  “competency as a leader”. However, during protests citizens were found chanting “She’s not our Queen!” and “another false Queen!”
These fractures, and paranoia of King Phyllian seem to be spreading into the heart of policies and politics of the Kingdom of Alésia. No matter the reason, the movement of high-ranking title holders will seem to continue. It is whispered that King Phyllian will ask Duke Varuian Maulvorn to step down from the Church of Thearyn, who will be replaced by Buttercup Flickerhoof his once trusted steed.

Royal Scribe Wanted

With continued exasperation and muffled groans from advisors and nobility, and numerous missed Charter meetings. King Dleatherus of Bordweall has now posted, several times, a Royal Scribe title to aid in remembering. The charter reads:

Due to necessity and realm stability a new charter has been posted. The individual claiming this charter must incessantly follow King Dleatherus to ensure all wandering and rambling are left to a minimum. That all major policy discussions and meetings are transcribed, and copies are left in the King’s facilities to allow for ample re-reading. Ensure that at least three short period naps are had daily; that the King is wearing clothing, including the correct ceremonially attire; and sufficient amount of forewarnings are provided ahead of meetings.

 

Mayoress Kitlandria Bokest, a fellow host of the Bordweall Broadcasting Company stated, “I think it is a bit too much. He [King Dleatherus] is more than capable, and I only ever caught him napping in his plague mask  a dozen or so times during the show.” Some are thankful for the title posting, Count Elbereth Cedargore saying, “I am grateful to see that the King is receiving additional help. I’m not sure I ever want to see the royal staff again.”

Those wanting to claim this royal title, should remember to visit the Kingdom of Bordweall.

Coin’s Guide to Dungeons: Castillion

Castillion, Vornair – G’day readers Kyle Coin world traveler, and prison connoisseur here. I write after adventuring into the heart of Vornair, into the capital of Zylphania. I have landed in prison elsewhere for nefarious and misgiving situations: impersonating a priest in Thearyn and disguising as a tax collector in Fortuna come to mind; which is quite difficult when there is only one citizen. Today, it was for kicking the soapbox of Aerus Morningray, who was fanatically rambling about securing titles and needing donations from Zylphania patrons to help create a “New Dawn”.

Guards with uniformed cloaks were posted outside, the cloaks evergreen color turning black in the darkness. Although the cell could hold five it was spacious, with room to fit an easel. The amenities were humble with actual pillows and used bedding. With such hospitality, even Duke Bombastus visited, while there he painted as he declared ‘happy little ‘staches’ on seemingly thousands of self-portraits. I enjoyed the company for a time, I think Duke Bombastus was more grateful for it, as he could hide from responsibilities. The food was warm and considerate coming straight from the ducal estate kitchen. Activities were few; however, the Solarium was right above the cellroom so the conversations were fantastic. Near check-out, I even received a survey form asking how the stay was to help create informed, dispassionate policies.

Overall I would rate the Dungeon of Castillion at 3 out of 4 stars. Would visit again!

3-Stars

Verdict: Above Average.

The Fat Cats of Bordweall

Bordweall –  These 4-legged tyrants are reportedly the true power of the kingdom.

 

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Doctor Furvago, Personal assistant and court physician to King Dleatherus, Duchy of Bloodoak

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Admiral Bobo, 28 recorded victories at sea, defender of the Caeruleum Coast, Piratesbane, Wanted for privateering in Vornair and Alesia

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Baron Buttons, a true statesman and powerbroker. Nothing happens in Seidrellia without Baron Buttons getting his cut.

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Winston P. Fluffykins, Trade magnate of Trollfjell and all around gentleman, made wealth early with only a single wagon and a mule.

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Mysterious Friendly Kitty, reportedly a transdimensional being, her wrath is matched only by her friendship, All of Singraven is friendlier from her influence.

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The Kritken, The cutest of the Kaiju of the Drayrien

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Fieldmarshall Whiskers, Strategic Military Genius and Supreme commander of the Armed Forces of Weristarc, responsible for many recent victories.  

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Horatio Hobbes, Newscat, Lead editor of the Bordweall Broadcasting Company

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