Category Archives: Bordweall

Cracks in the Shield Wall

Bloodoak – Sitting on his royal throne, King Dleatherus of Bordweall received alarming, unproven accusations of internal spying in the kingdom. Being indisposed, King Dleatherus had Protectorate Duke Noslim’s first act be to read the report through the chamber doors. These spying allegations centered around the Duchy of Singraven and Grand Earl [Count] Drax Baxton. It was alleged that Grand Earl Drax sent spies into all of the duchies, and guilds throughout the Kingdom of Bordweall. The allegations continued stating, “that he [Drax Baxton] demanded knowledge, subterfuge and the spread of deceit from his spies.”

Grand Earl Drax refused to comment on the allegations, instead shouting profusely, “These accusations are entirely false. Incredibly false. It is true, I do have eyes and ears everywhere, they’re great spies best of the best… but only in other kingdoms.” A fellow Grand Earl, Primus Dedumo attempted to jokingly quell the situation, “He listens because he has immense ears.” However, it has been reported that Grand Earl Drax Baxton also assisted in igniting the rebellion against the Duchy of Caeruleum, and subsequent tensions, as well as having a hand in the removal of the Brotherhood of the Fallen Blade from Singraven and much of the Kingdom of Bordweall.

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Belived to be one of the top spies of Karrah. (Image courtesy of a concerned citizen.)

However, the validity of these allegations are doubtful at best. Grand Earl Drax is better known for his nonsensical banter, then his ability to run a clandestine spy network. If there is prominence to these claims, the Kingdoms of Elyria still need not fear. Rumors abound of the County of Karrah’s spies tripping onto their own daggers, drinking out of mislabeled vials, and accepting astonishingly small bribes; all of which, we can agree, are fine qualities of “great spies”. These instances, though ghastly comical, have caused many individuals to try and gauge the intentions of Grand Earl Drax’s “spies” and his protective cohorts. These allegations and subsequent leaks though, if proven true, may lead to cracks in King Dleatherus’ otherwise solid shield wall.

 

Escaping the Clippers

Bordweall – As most of us know, due to the tribal oppression Kypiqs have faced at the hands of Helgrim Enterprises fur plantations, and local food agencies. This tribe has an innate fear of kitchenware, especially spatulas. This fear of kitchens or oikophobia, is brought on due to the conditions faced by captured Kypiqs. Who are force fed to increase the amount of processable furs and leather. Having discovered a group which narrowly escaped from a plantation, we followed to record their struggles. Their names were changed to protect their identities. This group was headed to a so-called therapeutic treatment to overcome their stress, which is reported to be a monumental success on their wellbeing. On the journey, Sirloin De Ribsaz spoke, “It was awful, I could barely fit through the doors by the end” as his fellows pulled him along in a makeshift wagon. Another, Asado Barb’oqu, “The cutters [Helgrim Operatives] never cut my hair right, always left dead ends!”

This therapeutic treatment lies within Bordweall in the County of Stoneheart. Countess Genevieve D’rogugan lures refuges by baiting cookies in the streets, and unsuspectedly handing out citizenry papers. Although, these refugees truly only want more cookies and protection from Helgrim Enterprises. However, few people know how this “Dragoness” bakes these delicious cookies.

This intrepid, full-bodied group led us to a small bakery just inside the walls of the County of Stoneheart, named Nips & Chocolate Chips. As the fur coats waddled into the bakery, the owner and baker Van Ibenholt introduced himself, “Welcome, fellow tribesmen. Feel safe, feel free, and we will rise again.”

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This ad is paid for by: Helgrim Enterprises

Royal Scribe Wanted

With continued exasperation and muffled groans from advisors and nobility, and numerous missed Charter meetings. King Dleatherus of Bordweall has now posted, several times, a Royal Scribe title to aid in remembering. The charter reads:

Due to necessity and realm stability a new charter has been posted. The individual claiming this charter must incessantly follow King Dleatherus to ensure all wandering and rambling are left to a minimum. That all major policy discussions and meetings are transcribed, and copies are left in the King’s facilities to allow for ample re-reading. Ensure that at least three short period naps are had daily; that the King is wearing clothing, including the correct ceremonially attire; and sufficient amount of forewarnings are provided ahead of meetings.

 

Mayoress Kitlandria Bokest, a fellow host of the Bordweall Broadcasting Company stated, “I think it is a bit too much. He [King Dleatherus] is more than capable, and I only ever caught him napping in his plague mask  a dozen or so times during the show.” Some are thankful for the title posting, Count Elbereth Cedargore saying, “I am grateful to see that the King is receiving additional help. I’m not sure I ever want to see the royal staff again.”

Those wanting to claim this royal title, should remember to visit the Kingdom of Bordweall.

The Fat Cats of Bordweall

Bordweall –  These 4-legged tyrants are reportedly the true power of the kingdom.

 

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Doctor Furvago, Personal assistant and court physician to King Dleatherus, Duchy of Bloodoak

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Admiral Bobo, 28 recorded victories at sea, defender of the Caeruleum Coast, Piratesbane, Wanted for privateering in Vornair and Alesia

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Baron Buttons, a true statesman and powerbroker. Nothing happens in Seidrellia without Baron Buttons getting his cut.

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Winston P. Fluffykins, Trade magnate of Trollfjell and all around gentleman, made wealth early with only a single wagon and a mule.

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Mysterious Friendly Kitty, reportedly a transdimensional being, her wrath is matched only by her friendship, All of Singraven is friendlier from her influence.

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The Kritken, The cutest of the Kaiju of the Drayrien

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Fieldmarshall Whiskers, Strategic Military Genius and Supreme commander of the Armed Forces of Weristarc, responsible for many recent victories.  

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Horatio Hobbes, Newscat, Lead editor of the Bordweall Broadcasting Company

Bordweall’s Secret Weapon

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Bordweall – One wonders how the Bordweall plans to keep its promise of never being conquered. It seems that they hide a fantastic secret. Dastard the tiny Dragon. This diminutive terror is said to have wings of hurricane and teeth of swords. The tiny dragon also has a near endless supply of cookies to give away . . . for a price. While harmless to “Wallers”, this being is no doubt a powerful and only scarcely understood adversary. It is rumored this beast has a fief of its own and is a cautious steward of its acolytes. Will Bordweall eventually be host to a whole brood of dragons? Time will tell.

Forging an Empire: Free Kingdom

 

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Free Kingdom – For the Free Kingdom, voting, bidding, and the selling of tokens and souls has been with us for a couple of weeks now. Candidates with all types of alluring campaigns have emerged to win a title. These candidates aren’t without their own Kypiq furred-baggage and allegiances. With some being previous members or associates of a current kingdom or organization. Let’s tabulate a prediction, and bet, vote on the future.

Phyllain, the leader of Xeilias and previous Count of Kairos with favor from Vornair, and Violet Winterborne. A power couple almost as equal in power and dress to King Evelake and Duke Morbis “Chelesa” Alabast. Violet is the stronger forward face of this couple with her own controversies as other candidates have accused her of stealing ideas and accused her surrogates of using coercive measures to gather support. Phyllian says he wants to win but seems comfortable at the prospect of ruling behind the curtain of power through leverage and intimidation. In the end whether this couple, with Phyllain’s almost Bismarckian attitude and Violet’s subtle Machiavellianism, will last to create a stable Free Kingdom is yet to be seen. Their chances of winning currently are good though. (1 in 2)

Seele, the illustrious pontificate of the election would win, if it was simply based off of word count and context. As a non-connected candidate with lengthy ideals, Emperor Seele may be an underestimated choice and have the force to take it all but has a clear set of goals and policies he wants to achieve. This rings of someone who has been in positions of governance before. The question is: Is Seele’s leadership equal to his statesmanship? Thus far he has been unable to motive high energy from his base and seems to play on the defensive. (1 in 3)

The wearer of the ‘bombastic’ mustache, NiHZ, has garnered support from Vornair and Kairos. Overall she is a clever builder of coalitions but seems to lack the taste or ability of subterfuge compared to some of her competition. She would likely make quite the successful leader in the end but may become trapped in a labyrinth of shifting favors, deals, and alliances and this duplicity in support will be underappreciated, weakening her overall chances of success. (1 in 4)

His Holy Righteousness Personified, Leader of Horses and Scythes, Maulvorn VII will have to continue propagating foul play in token counting and continue prophesying a false sense of grandiose importance to the community to ensure the kingly crown resides with him. He is not a frontrunner in the contest but his aggressive rhetoric and propaganda keeps him very relevant in the race. The limits of his platform may, in the end, lose him the crown, but he will be a driving force in his kingdom so long as his momentum grows. (1 in 6)

The unabashed playboy of the election, Jon Warren, has placed his winning on the self-serving greed of others, rather than garnering support of a community. This tenuous support may last, but it may have to be continually bolstered by lavish parties paid for by future taxes. Likable enough nonetheless and with a decent, safe platform Jon Warren is the least controversial, and the most electable candidate from a stance of kingdom stability as there are no excessively strong feelings for or against his leadership. The primary controversy overall is Jon’s entrepreneurial ways of approaching problems. His competition does not like that he refuses to play by their rules. (1 in 7)

Lurking in the shadows it is unfair to despair against the Concierge, with support from Bordweall and King Dleatherus, this will be a test of numbers, camaraderie, and focused effort for the Concierge and Bordweall. The Concierge runs his platform by calling it deviate but simply means that the ends of the kingdom justify the use of any means. With the significant external pressures on the Free Kingdom and the internal lack of cohesion as a community with various strong, divergent personalities in leadership positions this approach may be the most dangerously forsightful. Unfortunately the current interpretation attracts destabilizing or fringe elements while driving more cautious elements to safer candidates. (1 in 10)

A somewhat late arrival in the race is Cheshire, a self-styled pauper queen. She inherently doubles down on the aggressive style of Maulvorn and does not come off as completely stable. Her platform is quite laissez-faire by saying she will not expect taxes or duties from her subjects. Given her campaign style as a declaration of war against the political machinery afoot. It is not certain whether she wants to win or simply be an interruption in the process. If it is the latter then we will likely be hearing more from Cheshire in the future. (1 in 50)

These candidates are merely members in an ongoing dance. Let us peer behind the curtain of politics and acknowledge its central players and workings. Some of these candidates with their ideals, thoughts and history have been with our community for a time. With this time and history unsettling, empirical allegiances and relations of opportunity have emerged. Let us attempt to discover who the true victors of this election shall be.

The despotic micromanagement of Vornair is a travesty against independent thought and, seen by some, akin to a plague of locusts. Their sheer potential population, resources and tax base is only held at bay by an inefficient and bumbling bureaucratic process that does little to serve those outside the king’s elite inner circle. With this Vornair does however possess the greatest chance of further objectifying Luna. By bribery, demands, or the puppeteering of Phyllain, Violent or NiHZ, the Free Kingdom can be brought to heel as a client state of a greater Vornic Empire. Sadly Duke Morbis will likely feel left out as King Evelake reaches in and controls another’s wants in pursuit of ultimate authority. (1 in 2)

Quiet composure, financially and educationally focused, Kairos is the meek forgotten brother of Vornair. This weakness may be exchanged for a subtle strength however, for lavish ties to Xeilias, Phyllain and Violet would increase the political power of Kairos without increasing the perception of growing threat to the status quo of world politics. These ties with previous members could spur on a golden age of Kairos influence, through a fetid alliance or pact. However, as with all siblings, most are unable to share their toys. The potential King Phyllain and Queen Violet may cease to exist from a simple tug-of-war (1 in 3).

Opposing Vornair in all, but sheer population, resources, tax base, community, tweets and likes, Bordweall limps into the fray. A defensive republic of duchies with King Dleatherus, as their mask wielding figurehead. Defensive in nature, creating a client of the Free Kingdom gives the Bordweall a means of creating a political partner in more provocative actions to further their goals. The Concierge has the mindset and moral compass to actively protect Bordweall’s interests abroad so long as they are in the Free Kingdom’s best interest as well. The partnership unfortunately has demanded far less respect than garnered, with even less of a likelihood for victory. However, it is important for Dleatherus’ errand runner to remain in the campaign, or risk opening doors for Vornair, Kairos or virtues forbid Maulvorn (1 in 6).

With the rest of the candidates being unaffiliated from major donors, propaganda or acceptance speeches. These are the few, Seele, Jon Warren and Maulvorn, which may, may be able to lead the Free Kingdom to independence instead of subjugation.

With these impeding victories or defeats current kingdoms will solidify alliances, and empires. The first wars of Luna will be fought over the allegiances of the Free Kingdom, a proxy war which will garner the glare and support of all Luna’s kingdoms. Demanding tribute for past support, and demanding help for future gains, the current kingdoms are selecting the King and Queen of our Free Kingdom. When purchasing tokens, rather than asking: ‘Who should I vote for?’ If it all. Maybe ask yourself: ‘Which current kingdom, if any, do I want to be aligned and beholden to?’ The great dance is upon us, make sure to choose your dance partner and bedfellow wisely.

Something Smells Funny In Bordweall

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Rendition of Dleatherus’s Royal Visage

Bloodoak – There have been many theories as to why King Dleatherus of the Bordweall wears his trademark mask. Some say it unnaturally extends his life with magics to make him immortal while others think that the original king died long ago and the mask hides the imposter upon the throne. There are outsiders that think it represents sweeping plagues and pestilence that ravage the landscape.

The truth is far more simple. Dleatherius thinks you smell bad. Growing up cloistered within luxury within the royal sanctum of Bordweall, the king simply wants to vomit any time he is near someone less than the rank of Count and, even then, can only attend court after lavish washing rituals of all in attendance. In his younger years of rule the “king of clean” tried to impose a ban on unwashed masses, but the washing of said masses was quickly draining the defense budget. So in the end it was simply easier to utilize his trademarked masked appearance.

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