Monthly Archives: November 2017

First Ever Jonapalooza to Raise Campaign Support

And-More-Pool-Parties

Watery Hole

Free Kingdoms – They told Candidate Jon Warren it could simply not be done. “Dig a hole and fill it with water and invite the finest bards and minstrels? I thought him mad!” One event coordinator exclaimed. Did it Jon did though. For 3 days thousands of people descended on the fairgrounds ranging from dukes to settlers. Virtori onlookers were slightly uncomfortable at the men and women in varied states of undress. “Candidate Maulvorn would never condone such behavior,” was screamed from the sidebars of the event. It is unsure how many tokens were raised with the even but all participants look forward to next year.

NiHZ, Queen or Comrade?

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Internal propaganda photo of NiHZ

Undisclosed Children of Mann Location – There are many dangers in the world of Elyria, but none so feared as that of a ruthless mustachioed dictator. Unbound by our traditions and culture this strong man, or in this case woman, will stop at nothing but total ruthless control of our everyday lives. Candidate NiHz and her red menace already try to recruit impressionable youths from our most venerable religious and educational institutions. “The work isn’t so bad, but I sure am hungry,” one, rather malnourished worker, moaned. Only time will tell how bad this situation will get. Should we be suspect of other mustached warlords? What horrors shall we find in Zylphania Duke Barnabus Bombastus?

Phyllian and Violet, Death of a Kingdom

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Phyllian and Violet, Saviors of the Free Realms?

Free Kingdoms – Two of the current front-runners to assume control of the free kingdoms are Phyllian of Xelias and Violet Winterborne of Alesia. In many cases this would transform a race to such a prize into a dogged fight of supremacy with cut throat posturing and boisterous oratory to ensure the strongest possible leader to unite the realm. This pair however has felt it more prudent to pool resources for mutual benefit, but are they the only ones who benefit? Both candidates have large amounts of unreported, anonymous support and known associations with both Kairos and Vornair. It is not a long jump of logic to see the unusual behavior to be indicative of a conspiracy. A strong Free Kingdom would only be a detriment the standings and resources of those kingdoms that have already inherited the wealth and influence opened by the fall of the fallen Empire. What better way is there to ensure future prosperity of the status quo but showing the greatest support for the weakest and least assertive of candidates?

Something Smells Funny In Bordweall

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Rendition of Dleatherus’s Royal Visage

Bloodoak – There have been many theories as to why King Dleatherus of the Bordweall wears his trademark mask. Some say it unnaturally extends his life with magics to make him immortal while others think that the original king died long ago and the mask hides the imposter upon the throne. There are outsiders that think it represents sweeping plagues and pestilence that ravage the landscape.

The truth is far more simple. Dleatherius thinks you smell bad. Growing up cloistered within luxury within the royal sanctum of Bordweall, the king simply wants to vomit any time he is near someone less than the rank of Count and, even then, can only attend court after lavish washing rituals of all in attendance. In his younger years of rule the “king of clean” tried to impose a ban on unwashed masses, but the washing of said masses was quickly draining the defense budget. So in the end it was simply easier to utilize his trademarked masked appearance.

The Concierge, Exactly as Evil as Expected

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High School Portrait of the Concierge, Year 2

Free Kingdoms – In an effort to get to know the candidates for the Free Kingdom our investigative paparazzo spared no effort gaining as much personal information possible. There are many terrible rumors about the candidate known as “The Concierge”, or his assumed legal name, Domnal Baynbridge O’Dubhthaigh. Unfortunately every one of them came out to be true. The Concierge is well-known in Deviate circles supporting both werewolves and vampires alike, a criminal genius, and conspirator extraordinaire. He has weekly summoning of eldritch beings, games of chance with lesser demonic entities, and regularly removes tags from tavern mattresses “for kicks”. Given these facts he provides both medical and dental for his henchmen, contributes immensely to children’s holiday toy drives, and is a champion ballroom dancer. We at the Examiner thank the concierge for only dispatching 3 of our investigators. As he knows good help is hard to find and we wish him luck in his candidacy.

Lagertha, True Queen of the Vornair

Ret Row

Sometimes in the fast paced environment of the newsroom facts do not always put together a picture as it first looks. This happened several days ago on a story reported about the indiscretions at the meetings between Vornair and Blackheart. Luckily official word from the Kingdom of Vornair confirms that they have had no contact with the Kingdom of Blackheart. Furthermore, they stressed because of boundaries between realities, such a summit could never take place.

The King of Vornair has personally reached out to the Examiner and assured us that the queen was not being set aside. While this is reassuring to political stability it does not explain the shopping trips being undertook in the fine Hartland boutiques in Aechena that Queen Lagertha takes hand in hand with Duchess Rheika Hart. Such luxurious outings must place quite a dent in the royal treasury.

It also doesn’t answer the question of who the mystery woman is if not Queen Rowena. It took some time and deeper investigation but we spotted King Evelake trying to be incognito in a small inn in the Duchy of Fehu. The Tavern proprietor Alfred “Alchy” MacTaverton confessed, “Those two made quite a ruckus while they were here, and when they left I saw it wasn’t a lassie, but a beardless Hrothi laddie!” MacTaverton looked worried continuing, “Look, we have an open mind in Fehu so I just wish the King and Duke the best and they are welcome to return any time.”

Our interest was piqued and was only surpassed at eyewitness accounts that the king’s actual lover may be none other than a cross dressing Duke Morbis Alabast, ruler of the Stormlands! Could this be the secret Cynneric was going to spill before defecting to Kairos?

Fortuna Citizen Found!

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Wilderness – Once thought legend contact has been made in a small forest village within the borders of Fortuna. This has led to the first recorded interaction with a citizen in this land for several centuries. “It’s rather nice, no counts or kings to take our farm goods or invoke prima nocta” the local Reeve stated. He was incredibly disappointed when he found out a King did actually exist. It will be interesting to see how Fortuna develops as their government becomes more assertive.

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